The Only Way to Master Love is to Practice Love.

The title of this blog comes from a quote from a book; 'The Mastery of Love' (READ IT). I can use this quote to justify the fact that I've been in so many relationships but then this quote goes on to say "You don't need to justify your love, you don't need to explain your love; you just need to practice your love. Practice creates the master." 

I have had the opportunity to love and be loved quite a bit. I remember an occasion I was singing at an open mic night, "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" a friend of mine mentioned that someone we knew and that she was sitting near her was mimicking me and said "but I won't love you tomorrow.." I had a bad reputation for dating a lot, maybe too much so I was a bit bothered by it.  But because of my past relationships and personal practiced love I have been led to the point I am at in regards to love.  I wouldn't be aware of the love I now have if it weren't for these past relationships. I may have dismissed it and missed something so beautiful.

Love is interesting. It really does happen when you least expect. It happens suddenly and you will ALWAYS fall hard. I believe that these are the only common traits of everyone's love. The amount of time it takes for an individual to fall in love varies, but it will be so strong (for as long as you choose to hold on to its strength). It is something you are practicing without even realizing it. It can be sooo dangerous if it isn't practiced correctly. True.ove will bring us to our highest and lowest points. The trick is strength and balance.

I've finally become lost in a beautiful love. It is the perfect balance of spiritual, emotional, physical and mental strength. Although, it is not easy at all. My love and I sometimes lose our balance but we both have a strong and pure love and weboth know how important it is to have this balance so we strive help one another as best as we can. It is work and it is hard, every single day it is hard,  but this love is powerful and together we are practicing our love and overcoming obstacles together because two is stronger than one. 

I am not one to fall into a long distance relationship but our trust and love is strong enough to reach across the earth . From the beginning of our relationship we have been apart. I left exactly one month after meeting him in order to pursue a dream. He trusted to let me go... He is now running around the world and I trust him enough to let him roam. It's beautiful. Being apart is terrible but our love and trust is deeper than distance. We are slowly becoming masters of our special love from afar.

He is better than any dream guy I could have ever come up with. A future with him seems so surreal but I'm looking forward to getting lost in love with him. I am looking forward to practicing our love together.

Here he is. 
He is the weirdest most adventurous man I have ever come to love and he melts my heart.

"Your melody harps in the trees, wanders the seas of my mind. I've told you once, I've been searching for you and I found you just in time...." Trevor Hall - Just in Time (song below) 

Practice your love, it may never be perfect but love is beautiful because it is imperfect.

Giddi

Desires.

I was jotting down all the things I’ve said I am going to do. All my past, present, and future plans, goals, accomplishments, etc. (and if you know me, I have some pretty extreme desires for my future). As I was doing this I remembered someone being angry at me and telling me that they were unrealistic. I thought.. what a mean jerk.

BUT… it’s true.

My goals, dreams, and desired accomplishments seem unrealistic…

to the average person, that is. (Ha!)

The root to all I desire to accomplish comes back to my blessing in disguise:

 a broken heart.

I was in a relationship in which I wanted more (marriage, blah blah). I didn’t take the relationship for what it was. I just wanted more. He reached his limit and chose to walk away. I chose to sit and wait. (I literally sat at his front door and waited.) I’ve been sitting and waiting for about 2 years now. People have sat with me and have tried pulling me up to walk with them. I’ve gotten up to my knees (a few times and maybe had one foot ready to get up) but I’ve gotten so comfortable in my sitting position and I’ve just sat back down. I have had a desire in my heart for this man to love me again and I’ve hurt many that have wanted me to walk next to them. I’ve been selfish and careless toward some of the tender hearts that have offered their pure love. But still, I chose to wait (for what he once told me) “a silly illusion that will never come true”. I heard it from his very mouth and I still chose to sit and wait… I convinced myself that if I loved him strongly enough he would feel it and maybe it would all work out. It only pushed him further away but I didn’t care.

What had I chosen to do while I waited? What had I chosen to distract me from this unrealistic desire in my heart? I created even more “unrealistic desires” because if the crazier desires are attainable, then that desire of love has got to be possible, right? Some of the desires I have accomplished have been the ones within my sitting position’s reach. But there are many more beautiful ones waiting in my stack of desires.

When I was going through my Yoga teacher training, I had a hard time teaching. I am extremely shy! I get so scared when I am the center of attention I even get teary eyed and I just freeze up. I felt I couldn’t grasp the concept of teaching Yoga, for this reason. I was so frustrated. I was helping my dad in the garage one day and he asked me how my training was going and I said, Dad I can’t do it. I don’t think my brain has the capability of teaching. My dad is kind of the shiz and so a lot of the things he says, I have engraved in the walls of my brain… and he said to me, Giddi anything and everything you want to do, you can do. There is nothing in the world you’re not capable of doing… Another time, I was having a very rough emotional time due to that love I mentioned earlier, and I was talking to my dad and I was begging my dad to hypnotize me so that I was no longer in love with this man because it just hurt sooo much. And he said, I will not do that, you put that love there you can control it. There is nothing in the world you’re not capable of doing… I don’t forget it anymore. Ever. My sweet angel mother constantly reminded me that I am the Creator’s greatest creation, His daughter, a princess of the almighty King. He created me as he is. Put two and two together and ta da! My unrealistic goals are actually very realistic! I am a freakin’ goddess, I am freakin’ almighty and I can and will do ALL I desire to. (It’s my mom and dad’s fault.)

That one desire of love that some would have me believe is a curse has been a blessing. That very love if anything, has opened my heart up to so many more desires….

I gained another desire. It’s the desire to stand up. I am tired of hurting people and watching them walk away in pain because of me and my surreal desire. I don’t want to sit back, comfortably and do nothing about the pain I cause. I am choosing to stand up and I am going to walk. At this moment I do not know what direction I want to go but for now standing up is kind of a big deal and I’ll for sure need help staying up (cuz I probably forgot how to walk).

 

And here’s the current song of my heart…

Ray LaMontagne – Empty

 

Peace, Love, Stay away from plastic...

I LOVE Trevor Hall.

I love Trevor Hall. 

Most people don't understand why I love him so much...

More than anything it is his song lyrics. 

Not only is his music beautifully composed, but his lyrics are poetry for the soul yearning for a God and a God within a Love.

At this time, my soul seems dead. I've lost appreciation for my God. I am an angry at my God, but why should I feel this way? All my Creator has done is give me life, love, opportunity and more! Every single day. When He is the Almighty who I should turn to for assistance with my burdens, who do you ask for help in a situation like this? Him... He IS Almighty.

I am a strong believer that when a person is able to admit our Creator into any type of relationship involving love, the love is deeper than we could ever know... I haven't reached that point just yet, but I will work for it. We are all creators in our own way, so why not invite the Creator of all to share in our love?

Trevor Hall reminds me of this belief of mine.

I listen to Trevor Hall over and over again every single day so there is not a single day I don't think about it. Along with this post I am including my 2 favorite Trevor Hall songs. The first one is called Volume. Whenever I hear this song I have this image in my head of 2 people living in a bungalow and they are so in love, and the Creator is in the sky above watching them, smiling and clapping along as they sing and dance and run through the forest. This particular verse is my favorite:

rush like a river from the highest mountain

drink from the fountain and stop your counting

what kind of wine does he have in his tavern 

oh so enchanted and sing like a mad man

mad with the love of a wife for her husband

child or mother, sister or brother 

rain and the thunder the rain and the thunder 

sing for the most high sing for no other 

we are all notes in this eternal song

God plays his flute and we all dance along

The second one is The Return. This one speaks for itself. It's beautiful.

Everyone should love Trevor Hall.

A miracle of faith.

I've discovered that only through faith and love in God, a broken heart can be healed. 

I have fallen in love. I have fallen so in love and I have fallen so hard. 

Discovering how to get back up from that fall has been the most difficult thing in my life, but I know as I am slowly getting back up, and using the help from the Almighty, I can be lifted. And as I am am coming up, I am choosing to lift people up with me. I've had so much love and passion in my heart that I've wanted to give to just one person, but I was not able to do that for one reason or another... so what do I do with this love? I share it with those in need of it. 

I know that through faith in love and in God all of our hearts deepest desires are possible.

Mi milagro de fe.

El numero de estrellas no cuentan el amor que tengo por el.

El dolor de golpes no comparan al dolor que siento por mi corazón roto.

Estrellas no cuentan mi amor.

Con golpes no siento dolor.

Sufro en mi soledad.

Tu fuiste mi milagro de fe.

En la oscuridad no sentia miedo. Lo tenia a mi lado, y sentia paz y seguridad.

No quiero despertar al día porque en mis sueños el es mío.

Recuerdo la paz en la oscuridad.

Despierta al dia con inquietad.

Sufro en mi soledad.

Tu fuiste mi milagro de fe.

Uno sufre en soledad cuando siente que el gesto de su fe es arrebatado.

Debemos vivir con gracias que los milagros de nuestra fe son reales.

Debemos vivir con gracias que cualquier milagro es posible.

Ya no sufre en mi soledad.

Tue fuiste mi milagro de fe.

LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Recently I've discovered many things about life and love. These things are things that will make my pathway and discovery of life less bumpy, and they may not apply to anybody else, but they have made perfect sense to me.

No one is ever "meant to be".

If people were just meant to be, then divorces, and break-ups and heartache would not happen. Being with someone completely lies within yourself and how much effort you're willing to put into that relationship. How much of your heart you're willing to give to that other person, and whether your willing to give up your pride and selfishness to make somebody else happy. Faith and hope are also things that we need. We must hope that things will work out, and we must have faith that everything will work out with all the effort we're putting into the happiness of the life you wish to live with your significant other. If we were just meant to be, we wouldn't have to try anything. This is what makes love so beautiful. Seeing somebody give every part of their being, and sacrifice so many other things, all for your happiness! There is nothing better than that.

A relationship only works based on your effort.

There are Many Roads.

Sometimes we are so caught up with ourselves that we think the way we are doing things is the right way. There are many many many roads. We all end up in the same place. Every one of us, but in order for us to be able to get through life, we have to go on our own road. Every religion has this idea that there is something bigger than any of us, protecting, guiding,  and comforting us. We all carry hope in our own Gods, and all these Gods are taking us to the same place, all these Gods are protecting and guiding us, and most of all comforting us. Every single one of these guides want us to be happy. They want us to find joy in life. But we all discover these things in different places, in different roads. And that is fine! Not a single person is alike, so every single road will be different. There IS one great big plan! But, we've been given the ability to choose how to get to the end/beginning of it.

In the words of Mr. Trevor Hall:

There are many roads and many paths that lead to you, some say their false but I believe all of them are true.

I got pulled over last night.

This is no longer a love blog. Woot woot!

Story time:

I was driving home late last night. And a cop pulls me over.
I roll down my window, shoot my hand out, license in hand.
He asks for my registration and insurance and I search my car for it (if you've ever been in it, you'd understand my struggle.)
He asks me how my day is going, I say it's been terrible. And he chuckles.
I ask him how his day is going, and he says his day is just beginning.
So I say, your gonna bust some a$$e$, right? and he chuckles again and says that's right.
He then tells me not to worry about the papers, and get some red tape to cover up my broken tail light.

My life is good... real good!

Whata man.

SONG TIME: It is about a person and their friend. The friend asks the person why they cry and mourn and search and pray. And then the person tells the friend why. But the someone the person cries and mourns etc.. for is the friend. The friend just doesn't get it.

I wrote this one like over a year ago, and thought it needed more. But now I think it's just fine.

Video: 015.MOV

Why oh why?

From the bottom of my heart I cry. From the depths of my soul mourn.
You ask why oh why do you cry? You ask why oh why do you mourn?

Oh my heart yearns for someone. Oh my soul pleads for lovin.
Oh my heart yearns for someone. Oh my soul pleads for lovin.

All day long I search for someone. And at night I pray for lovin.
You ask why oh why do you search? You ask why oh why do pray?

Oh my heart yearns for someone. Oh my soul pleads for lovin.
Oh my heart yearns for someone. Oh my soul pleads for lovin.

You are that someone that I yearn. And your lovin is what I'm pleadin for.
Yes, you are are that someone that I yearn and your lovin is what I'm pleadin for.

Oh my heart yearns for someone. Oh my soul pleads for lovin.
Oh my heart yearns for someone. Oh my soul pleads for lovin.

This is my love.

Today I reminisced about what I thought what love was.

I thought about these things...

Yellow Volkswagen Beetles.

Love Poems.

Pancakes.

Foot Massages.

Service.

I thought about anyone can do anything...

Early morning blasted music.

Singing your heart out.

Pepsi, Pain Brie, and Feta cheese.

Charles Aznavour and they Gypsy Kings.

Doing the twist!

You are probably asking yourself... How is this love?

There once was a man who married a girl. Their very first vehicle was a brand new yellow volkswagen beetle. They were quite the happy couple. The girl taught at a school in another place, so she would be gone M-F and then be back on the weekends. This man didn't waste any love time. He would write her love poems all week long. And she always came and left knowing she would return to lovely love scripts.

As time moved on, they came to a realization that they did not want to spend so much time apart. So they moved to a far away land. Their family soon grew bigger and bigger with children. The girl had the magic cooking touch, a specialty that is still loved dearly today... pancakes. More than anybody else, they boy loved these pancakes, and insisted she make them every Saturday. So most Saturdays the big family would enjoy dozens and dozens of those delicious pancakes. Soon time moved on once more, some of the children moved away and married. But  few remained at home. One of these kids remembers her daddy coming home from work, and he'd ask for a foot massage. The little girl would do it, hesitantly. But would it woud be done. The boy who had now become a grown boy was quite the character. Early Saturday mornings he would blast some Charles Aznavour or some Gypsy kings and he would sing the house down! The kids didn't always enjoy it. But it didn't matter to him. Sometimes the grown boy and the now grown girl would play some Teen Tops and do the twist in the kitchen. And their kids would laugh and enjoy it. This man was amazing. He did have an addiction. Pepsi, Pain Brie (bread) and feta cheese. Delicious!

This is the story of my Mama and my daddy.

I had the best. I remember getting home from work or school, and my dad would have me sit next to him on the couch and I'd get a foot massage. I remember telling him several times that I wanted to do things, but I just couldn't. And he would tell me everytime I could do whatever I wanted. He was proof of this, my dad can do just about anything you can think of! I remember doing services for people in our ward, or anyone and we hated it. But service is now something that I feel I must do. As I have grown, everything that reminds me of the love that my parents had for one another, or that I felt in my family, I want to continue.

I want a yellow volkswagen beetle more than any car on this planet. I want to come home from work and receive foot massages, while drinking an ice cold Pepsi eating Pain Brie with crumbled Feta cheese while listening to Charles Aznavour. I want to make my significant other pancakes every Saturday morning. I want to wake up to loud beautiful music and loud singing from a man who loves me. I want my signifcant other to have this undying passion to want to serve the world!

The end.